APOBANGPO ๐
Hi! Welcome to my humble home in the interwebs. Iโm Marie and Iโm an ARMYโJin- and Namjoon-biased, wrecked by SOPE, self-proclaimed maknae line babysitter. OT7 to the core.
If youโre an ARMY, Iโm pretty sure you have a โrecruitmentโ story. Iโm here to tell you mine.
My first ever encounter with BTS was when I was in college, in 2014. Having very limited knowledge about K-pop (2NE1, SuJuโs โSorry Sorry" hand-washing dance step, and the infamous โI want nobody! nobody! but you!โ LOL), I have to admit, I found the genre a bit odd, as someone who listens to indie and alternative bands. So when I heard a classmate gushing about Jung Kook for days, a few questions came to mind: (1) Who is Jung Kook?; (2) Is โJung Kookโ even a proper noun?; and lastly (3) Is โJung Kookโ really that good-looking?
It took me 7 years to find the answer.
(Spoiler alert: our maknae IS good-looking, along with other admirable traits of course!)
From the baul: a Zepeto selfie from 2018โcompletely unaware that this cute alpaca was RJ HAHA ๐ฆ๐
An actual selfie from April 2020 with a DIY-ed Seokjin bobblehead
Fast-forward to the holiday season of 2019: we were scrambling to get our stocks done for our weekly delivery runs. My sister and I usually play stuff in the backgroundโa movie or a TV seriesโ just to keep us entertained. During one of these runs, some of our maker friends tried to convince us to watch BTS content for fun. Personally, I was still hesitant about the whole thing. Was I just judge-y? Was it because theyโre K-pop? I canโt remember my exact thoughts. But one fateful night, as we were packing our merch, we synced minds and agreed to watch the BT21 Universe playlist. I know itโs funny (because it really isโฆ HAHAHA) that a part of what got us into the fandom are cartoon characters. But what piqued our curiosity was finding out that they actually conceptualized their respective characters(!!!) and as artists, napa-WOW na lang kami (translation: โwe were dumbfounded!โ)! HAHAHA! After watching the making of BT21 (and a bunch of โBTS being chaotic in the USโ videos), I just went on with my lifeโฆ until C0VID happened.
Just like many of you, I had many fears when the pandemic hitโmy small business was just peaking then, so the sudden uncertainty of not being able to make any sale sent me in a downward spiral of overthinking. It seems selfish to say that, but as an artist who relied on shop sales as income, it made me feel really, really scared. During this time, we happened to be constantly keeping in touch with an old friendโwho, apart from being a maker, happened to be an ARMY too. They had tons of recommendationsโwhat funny video compilations to watch, what songs to listen to, and what exclusive content to add to our to-watch list. Since it seemed like we had all the time in our hands (jokeโs on us for foolishly thinking that lockdowns would only last a month longโฆ), we gave in and finally tried dipping our feet into the ๐ฎ MAGIC SHOP ๐ฎ.
One of my fave Bon Voyage moment-turned-into-meme (from BV2 in Hawaii), basically me as a person tooโso unserious ๐
My sister got pulled into the bora hole a bit earlier than I did. I honestly donโt know whyโmaybe I was in denial, among many other feelings. Every night, before going to sleep, I make sure that my phoneโs fully charged so I can watch an episode or two (or three) of Bon Voyage, from none other than the archives Miintae HAHAHAHA (IYKYK ๐คช). This nighttime routine kept going on and on and onโฆ until I finished up all the episodes (umiyak). So I guess itโs safe to say that watching Bon Voyage (BV) was pivotal to my ARMY journey. Thatโs how I figured out the meme references, thatโs how Miss Right and Butterfly became two of my most favorite songs, and thatโs how I got to know them firstโas Namjoon, Seokjin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook. I thought to myself, โhala, parang ako lang sila?! ๐ฎโ (trans: โOh wow, theyโre just like me?! ๐ฎโ) They are just. so. relatable!!! During this time, I still didnโt consider myself an ARMY, I told myself โIโm just here for the shows!โ (NOT.)
So after watching BV, I decided to dive deeper into their process as musicians. What else to watch other than their BTS docusโBurn The Stage, Bring The Soul, and Break The Silence. Gosh, I loved getting to know them! How is it that they understood my struggles too?
A screenshot from a convo with a close friend
Translation:
You know that feeling when you are looking for a friend group to join and you finally found where you truly belong?
Thatโs how I feel about them :โ)
Oh wow, are we even close ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ
Dear Class Of 2020 Spring Day performance ๐ฅบ
Then one June morningโฆ (For context: during the early days of the pan de mic, I usually wake up at 9-10AM)
I suddenly woke upโno alarms whatsoever, didnโt even feel the need to pee (TMI haha). So I checked my phone to see what time it was, it was quarter to 7. I tried falling back to sleep, but I couldnโt. Thatโs when I found out their Dear Class Of 2020 commencement speech video was going to go live. I watched, unknowingly whatโs gonna happen next.
Tears started streaming down my face when I heard Seokjin say these words:
Sometimes, Iโd feel restless, watching my friends go on far ahead of me. And attempting to keep up with their speed would only leave me breathless. I soon realised that their pace was not my own. What held me together during those times was a promise I made with myself: โto take it slow.โ Iโd go on my own pace, steadily. From then on, it became a habit of mine to take extra time for myself. For instance, when learning choreography, I begin practice days earlier than others do.
If any of you feels lost in the face of doubt and uncertainty, or the pressure of starting anew, donโt rush. Take a deep breath. You may find that any moment can be turned into an opportunity. Allow yourself to take it easy. Take it one step at a time. You might discover the important things you were missing, and they will reach out to you.
You bet I cried a lot. Like A LOT. At 7AM in the morning. Thatโs when I realized: I love BTS. I tell you, itโs pure serendipity. I still hold this memory close to my heart to this day. As someone whoโs struggled (and still struggling, TBH) to make sense of her situation, their words felt so reassuring.
Right then and there, it finally sunk in: I am an ARMY. Then the rest is history.
So weโve come to this partโฆ forgive me, itโs been a while since Iโve written a love letter. But here I am, mustering every fiber of my being to write an expounded love letter to seven men in South Korea.
Kim Namjoon, thank you for being generous with your wisdom and for teaching me that life indeed goes on. Iโm always in awe of your way with wordsโhow could someone be this wise, yet so approachable? You have this ability of making people feel seen. I mean that, you donโt know how much your letters and music have helped me battle my own inner demons. And for that, Iโm proud to call you our leader.
Kim Seokjin, thank you for reassuring me that itโs okay to go at my own pace. When anxious thoughts fill my mind and I feel as though Iโm running out of time, I pull myself out of that abyss and remind myself: โAllow yourself to take it easy.โ These words do not only give me permission to take my time, but to be kinder to myself as well. You are the bestest hyung Bangtan could ever ask for!
Min Yoongi, thank you for reminding me that giving up also takes courage. Iโve had my share of ups and downs, of good and bad decisions. Your song is my anthem whenever Iโm faced with a roadblockโa reminder that giving up on a dream doesnโt necessarily mean you are giving up on yourself, it simply means youโre giving yourself a chance to dream new dreams. You are the embodiment of quiet strength, thank you for sharing your struggles with us.
Jung Hoseok, thank you for being a prime example of what a friend should be: a crying shoulder, a listening ear, a helping hand, and a safe space. Iโve always admired how the members automatically cling to you, and thatโs because youโre all those to them. I aspire to be the same, and with you as my baseline, I think Iโm on my way to becoming a good friend.
Park Jimin, thank you for being a proof that having vulnerability doesnโt make you less of a person. Iโve always viewed myself as a happy-go-lucky person, but I canโt be that 100% of the timeโฆ and you know what, thatโs okay. Itโs okay to be mad or sad or happy or sappy. If Iโm feeling all sorts of things, I will always remember that there is a person in Korea, in the city of Seoul, who understands me.
Kim Taehyung, thank you for always being unapologetically you. You have helped me appreciate all my โweirdnessโโI only have one chance at life, might as well be myself. A lot of people may think or say a lot things about you, but whatโs important is that youโre living your life without hiding your true self.
Jeon Jungkook, thank you for showing me the importance of hard work and perseverance. They say practice makes perfect, and whenever I hear that, I canโt help but be reminded of youโyou remind me that if I put my mind and my heart into the things I want to achieve, then the impossible seems possible.
Bangtan, my seven stars, how could I put all my feelings into words? Iโm writing this at 4AM, with this performance of Mikrokosmos playing in the background, best believe Iโm tearing up right now. Last yearโs Festa hurt me more than I thought it wouldโthe dreaded dinner and the turn of events that came afterโbut if thatโs what it takes to see you all together again, Iโm willing to trust and wait.
You have changed my life in more ways than one. Whenever people ask me my ARMY recruitment story, I tell them this short version: what hooked me in are the members and what made me stay is their music. And that stands true to this dayโIโm glad I met BTS the way I did and Iโm even happier that I have their music to accompany me through every high and every low. Not a lot of people understand what BTS and ARMY have, but I get it now. Thatโs the most common ARMY lore, and itโs trueโBangtan finds you at a time when you need them most.
I didnโt need them 7 years earlier, when I was in college, eavesdropping a conversation between my classmates. I needed them to hold my hand 3 years ago, during one of the hardest moments in my life when I felt lost and hopeless. I donโt know what it is, but thatโs the magic of BTS & ARMY. ๐
TL;DR: Iโm in this Bangtan Sonyeondan shit for life. ๐
P.S.:
Sharing a playlist I made with my favorite BTS songs! โก
Bangtan really has a rich discography and each memberโs personal music has different vibes too. If you are looking for new jams, go give it a listen! โกฬ
Link to the full Spotify playlist: apobangpo โญโฌ โท
P.P.S.:
Dedicating this song by Honne to BTSโthe lyrics are spot on. :โ)
HAPPY FESTA, ARMY! ๐
์ํฌ๋ฐฉํฌ! ๐
์ํฌ๋ฐฉํฌ! ๐
Borahae!
โก Marieโท โบ
